Monday, September 30, 2024

 The storm raged black against the moon, hanging low like an unnatural yellowing orb in a purple sky.

She shivered on the beach. Why she found herself here again and again, she didn’t know. What sacrifice of blood or love ran through her veins, bringing her repeatedly on the shore. 

“I must be losing my mind”, she thought. 

……..

Many hundred miles… many decades ago, he lay chained to the walls.

“What was her name?” The officer barked, face so close to his he could see the deranged madness lurking in his black iris. 

He smiled wearily. 

“What difference does it make to you, her name? She is not here. And where she is, I do not know. She is lost to you as she is to me” 

“You don’t know the meaning of loss just yet.” The officer spat in his face, stretching himself upright from his squat.

“Beat him black and blue until he gives up her name. If he still doesn’t, crush his fingers one by one” he ordered to his henchmen.

He closed his eyes. Another night of pain awaited him. He drew in a long tired breath, as he heard footsteps squelch closer. The smell of mud. Blood. Sweat. Urine. And jasmine? The ones in her hair. 

He pictured her bending over to pick the fallen jasmines on the floor. Carefully tucking them in her bun.

The yank of the chains on his wrist woke him up from his reverie.

“Begin” the jailer barked.

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

 She sat at the edge of the bed. White summer dress with yellow flowers draped around her ankles. 

He rested his head on the wall next to the window, perched casually on the edge of the windowsill.

“You have to give me more’ she repeated, staring intently at him. He shrank under her piercing acorn brown gaze.

“I don’t know what more to give. I don’t understand what you want.”

She stared at him, then down at her hands, picking at the skin around her nail bed. Maybe it was her after all. Maybe her expectations…

When love begins to hurt this much, she thought to herself, it is best to walk away so you can breathe a bit better. 

“I’m tired of this conversation. I’m…”

He interjected, “Me too. Can we please call a truce?”

She smiled wryly. “You can’t always escape emotion and feeling. As I was saying, I’m tired. Of chasing you. Of telling you I need to be part of your life. Of wanting…”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Her thoughts choking her. She stood up, grabbing her bag from the study directly in front of her, and tore out the door.

“E!” 

He was chasing after her. She said a hasty goodbye to his mom, out the apartment door, pelting the elevator button, and down the 17 stories to her relief.

“E!!! Stop!” 

She whipped around, he was practically behind her. She stopped dead in her tracks, now overcome with all the suppressed rage and anger, tears streaming down her face. 

“Please. Let me go. Please’ she pleaded.

He stood there, still confused. Not understanding. “Can’t we just be friends?  Can’t it keep going the way it has?”

She shook her head, no. Retreated, turned around, and walked as fast as possible down the stairs through the lawn. One flight, two, then another…until she had reached the main road. She paused, heart and breath racing, and crossed through the pedestrian crossing towards the park. There lay the ocean, just beyond the car park and the tall palm trees, her salvation.

She raced to the gray black rocks by the water, finally alone. She put her head in get knees and finally let out a howl. Pain, dejection, hurt. 

The feeling of not being chosen by the one you love. Of having to plead for something that felt only natural but could never be yours. The most painful reality that she, nor anybody, had control over.

When she finally lifted her head to catch a breath, she was startled to see him sitting across from her. He too was perched on the rocks. Not sure for how long.

There sun had started to go down, bathing everything in a golden mist tinged with pink. 

She is beautiful, he thought to himself. But that’s where it ends.

She looked out at the water, terrified to catch his eye. Just sitting in silence, but she knew it was probably one of the last times they would ever sit here like this. So many memories haunting these rocks, laughing as they flicked pebbles on the water, sharing an inside joke and falling over themselves in joy, sharing chips and ice cream and secrets and crushes. Where had time gone? Why was he everything to her, yet nothing at all? 

“I can’t do this anymore. I’m not ok with breadcrumbs”

“E, I …”

“Please. Let me finish. I’m done. If you’ve chosen her then so be it. We are done. I need to learn to move on, for myself.” She steeled her gaze, gripping her arms as tightly as she could.

He sat there stunned. Twilight around them. Container ships dotting the horizon. The soft whoosh of the cars barely perceptible through the swishing of the palm tree leaves. Breezy fall wind sweeping across the island, the ocean, and two lost friends at the edge of an ending. 

“I guess, there’s nothing more I can say. Take care of yourself E. Get home soon, it’s getting dark”

He reached for a hug but she instinctively recoiled. He stared at her, wounded. Her insides screaming at him, stay here, don’t leave.

He got up slowly, looking into her eyes one last time, and turned to walk away.

She watched him disappear into the dark, his black tshirt melting into the evening, the slow shuffle of his footsteps fading.

She lay back on the rocks, sobbing. Tears streaming down in mascara rivulets on her face, her insides coiling and uncoiling. The storm was coming in. Thunder rolling through the sky, through her heart.

At a distance, he watched her silently. 

……………


How else do I capture how I feel?

Tuesday, December 3, 2019

'it is only when all your buttresses fall away do you learn to stand tall Aapa' she said, straightening out the wrinkles in the bedsheet.
she turned and looked at her critically.
'what more could you possibly be waiting for?'

appa, staring blankly ahead, whispered.
'to see if I stand or I fall'

...............

this time last year there was a birdsong in my heart, she thought.
easy to fool yourself that spring optimism was budding love. still pink in the tip.
maybe that is why they say nip it in the bud, she thought to herself. it wasn't really to warn you to pluck it dead when it starts, but rather to not confuse the warming weather and hope in the air for infatuations of the heart.

.................



She traced the map as if she was tracing his skin. familiar places. remembering.how

Monday, December 2, 2019

story

the moonlight weaved through the gaps in her curtain, into her wide awake eyes.
another night.
she thought of the moonlight and how it lit up his soft brown eyes. meaningless details.
was it really meaningless? all of it?
it had felt so significant at the time. it still felt like a significant part of her life. but to know that it had
just been a chapter and just that, bothered her. she wasn't sure why.
she was sure there was more to this story and that the end hadn't happened yet.
she was also sure about linearity. in that it simply, didn't exist at all.
................................................
we like to think of things as parts to a whole. beginning. middle. end.
three neat sections. the natural order of things.
and while a chain of events naturally do follow order, their meaning follows no order at all.
there is beauty in chaos. and in beauty, chaos.
..................................................

Thursday, March 14, 2019

story

she gripped the sink with both hands, blood curling underneath fingernails. Her cheeks flamed red, crimson like the sun over the fields of Rampur, crimson like the setting rays of the sun now over the Mediterranean.
She couldn't believe her foolishness. What was she seeking to find anyway? Here? In the chatter and the crowd and the narrow alleyways of the always awake chaos.

Monday, July 30, 2018

R

That it would become about bones he had not fathomed, at least not in the wintery chill of February 2011.

'It's the fifth rib' said Dr.Jones, handing him the x-ray chart.
'Here', tapping his silver ballpoint to a cloudy mass on the left, '5th rib on the right. Luckily not too bad and should heal on its own, but be careful on the ice again and lifting weights et cetera. I mean, you're a doctor yourself so really don't need to tell you any of this,' he said smiling, ushering R off the exam table.

R grabbed his coat from the back of the door, and thanking the doctor, made a quick exit to the biting cold outside. Tried to make an exit rather, flinching as the bruise, still too new, to allow for his usual brisk pace.

.........

Several months later as she lay in bed, S would dream of him again.
Of gingerly touching a face, bare of any stubble. Of gingerly touching a rib. She wished she could figure out who this stranger was in her dreams, why it felt as if she had known him a long, long time


(to be continued)

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

character development

Flesh out your character. If you are developing one very important character, have fun with it! Give your character an entire profile! What is his/her name? Where were they born, and when? Do they wear striped socks or solid ones? Is their hair blue or flame-red? Write down a bunch of these details, even if they may not be necessary for the story. If you are writing a character's personality off of someone you know,keep in mind that the reader doesn't know who you're writing about. Make it so that the reader has a clear picture, and don't leave any important information out! You can't assume that the reader knows the character as well as you do.
Be prepared to let your characters and their responses surprise you; that's when you know you're really getting somewhere
 
Visual imagery Imagery of sight
Aural imagery: Imagery of sound (e.g., the soft hiss of snow skis)
Olfactory imagery: Imagery of smell (e.g., the smell of day old beer)
Tactile imagery: Imagery of touch (e.g., bare feet on a hot sidewalk)
Gustatory imagery: Imagery of taste (e.g., the spicy taste of Cajun food)
 
Writing trigger:
Gail stormed into the office muttering something about the fact that John just made a complete ass of himself.
Who is John? Who is John to Gail? Why is Gail saying he is an ass? This is not that hard. We all know people who act like an ass. We either work for them, are related to them, married to them, divorced from them, or gave birth to them. *Smile*

Develop a Fictional Character with the personality of an ass, as you, the writer, perceive an ass to be.
 
Nicnames!
 
FLESHY CHARACTERS: Bai Amma, Usman, Raza, Mir Nawab, Noor Jehan, Razia, Asad, Rani, Shahzadi begum, abba ammi, and narrator.
 
UNFLESHY CHARACTERS: Lala Bhai, Rani's husband and kids, lipstick sisters, phuppo, Nano in cameo role, etc.
 
 

 
It must've been something to do with Belonging. Fitting into shells carved out in another's soul, meant for you. Empty spaces we keep locked up inside, afraid to show the cocoons that might just be the Cinderella's-shoe to someone else's hurting soul. Slip inside to remedies, comfort, protection...whatever it is you're looking for.
What is inner peace? Is it inside yourself or inside the cocoon within another? Every time I see him with heartbreaking vulnerability and an ache deep inside my soul, I find my inner peace is inside him. Maybe that's why they call it 'inner', and don't attach pronouns with it..Inner could be inside anyone, not necessarily yourself.

Home is where the heart is. Peace is where you fit. Or maybe, who you fit. Maybe they're all one and the same thing. Maybe Plato was right when he said what he did about soul-mates.

Maybe.


(admitting to your vulnerability when so much of it resides in someone else can be a very difficult thing)
her lips were the color of summer peaches in Quetta, the dusky gold of the sun when it set.
.................

there are mysteries id like to solve.
he's the biggest one of all.
......................

there are abysses in rainbows, and loopholes in fairy tales
.......................
 
sometimes, i paint pathways in the greyblue sky and dot them with silver.
...................................
 
crumpled lotus flower form on a grey waterbed
...................................
 
 i am overcome with homesickness while still cosy in my room..
.................................
 
things have settled down in a plastic,contained sort of way. bound in strips of clingfilm and social gatherings; we are a-okay.
............................
 
.i construct war zones and romantic interludes at the back of my eyes, in the corner in the dark where no light from my present can reach.
.............................
 
How could i begin to weave the fleshy strips of my narrative, the internal monologue constantly repeating my story to myself..to spew out of a hollow dry mouth, hoping the inky strains on paper can covey some small part of the stories through which we live.


at what point do we being to unravel the story from our own, the completely aloof fictitiuos tale from reality...transcribed out of pure boredon, burst of litereary vomit or distracted musings carefully crafted to sit on the sidelines, (but never a reflection of soul, never)
..............................
 
sweat tears and the wonderful composing ability of anguish
............................

i want to become yours too,
in a permanent unquestionable way.
..............................
 
I sit besides my lonely fire -
And pray for wisdom yet:
For calmness to remember -
Or courage to forget”
...............................
 
I swim in the bluest skies,
seas are only finite after all.
..................................

i feel my soul is decaying rotten in pieces like the peeling moldy skin of Eden's fruit...i would ask you to rekindle it with lyric and song, paint it with lilac shades of romance, the deep crimson of lips bleeding in nervous anxiousness, the yellow of tiny daffodils littering my doorway.. sunshine, passion, want...all the familiar, forgotten.

........................................

..and since by no means am i bereft yet of all that is beloved by me, contained in your embrace,
i will persist in soldering on even in this bright sunny gloom of summer days..

.........................................

Society is a masked ball where everyone reveals their character in hiding.

,...........................................


 
 
 

key plot questions



a. why did bai amma switch twins?
b. what was the story/significance of the lost son?
c. what is the narrator's own storyline, if any? are we using her just as a proxy for the oral story-telling aspect? lack of development in narrator's character will leave audience unsatisfied, and secondary storyline must be developed.
d. what is the historical timeline for all the key events?
e. KEY: how will narrator find out the switch of the twins?
f. how does the twin switch impact narrator at a personal level 4 generations later? unless asad (rani's son or raza's son, comes looking for her and there's a love story/digging there? is that too similar to salt and saffron?

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

oral tradition and dastangoi

'the burden of cultural history'

'the culture of oral storytelling - Aliya is aware of the richness and vibrancy of the family stories and the craft of storytelling itself, but equally this storytelling culture has helped to create a web of ‘family identity’ which she now wishes to loosen. Salt and Saffron is thus a poignant exploration of the search for a balance between individual identity and ancestral and cultural heritage.'

How much of the story is going to be about the narrator and how much about cultural heritage? 


research-location and rampur

'the burden of cultural history'

'the culture of oral storytelling - Aliya is aware of the richness and vibrancy of the family stories and the craft of storytelling itself, but equally this storytelling culture has helped to create a web of ‘family identity’ which she now wishes to loosen. Salt and Saffron is thus a poignant exploration of the search for a balance between individual identity and ancestral and cultural heritage.'

How much of the story is going to be about the narrator and how much about cultural heritage? 

Rampur: KEY LINK!!! http://www.dawn.com/news/659762/flashback-rampur-glimpses-of-a-vanished-world-title=Flashback

Zindagi Ki Yaadein: Riyasat Rampur Ka Nawabi Daur in 2003
English version: Remembrance of days pat: glimpses of a princely state during the Raj
http://www.amazon.com/Remembrance-Days-Past-Glimpses-Princely/dp/0195793927


'In Rampur music was central to every occasion: on Eid the ceremonial naubat (drum, shehnai, trumpet and flute) was played and, at the Qila, amid notes of mubarak baadi and raag darbari there was also a mardana and zenana darbar, the latter attended by begums in farshi pyjama and spectacular jewellery.'

http://y-sasm.blogspot.com/2011/05/abstract-2011-razak-khan.html
http://www.epw.in/web-exclusives/case-falling-walls.html

more on the autobiography of Jahanarah habibullah about rampur.
https://books.google.com/books?id=GQUFAQAAQBAJ&pg=PT148&lpg=PT148&dq=rampur+habibullah&source=bl&ots=mFlqRmIszv&sig=yKUWEN4cRIZRu3v-2be2dxZ-Am8&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiapNTum83JAhWCJh4KHRUJC2YQ6AEIMjAD#v=onepage&q=rampur%20habibullah&f=false

more by muneeza shamsie:
https://books.google.com/books?id=GQUFAQAAQBAJ&pg=PT148&lpg=PT148&dq=rampur+habibullah&source=bl&ots=mFlqRmIszv&sig=yKUWEN4cRIZRu3v-2be2dxZ-Am8&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiapNTum83JAhWCJh4KHRUJC2YQ6AEIMjAD#v=onepage&q=rampur%20habibullah&f=false

look at this site: http://www.criticalmuslim.io/discovering-the-matrix/
use discovering the matrix and jahanarah habibullah's account to describe rampur setting

buy this book:http://www.amazon.com/And-World-Changed-Contemporary-Pakistani/dp/1558615806


may come in handy but not sure, exploration of affinity in south asian context particularly after post sept 11.
http://roar.uel.ac.uk/3896/1/Madeline_Clements_U0921278_Thesis_FINAL_March_2014%5B1%5D.pdf




story

When I was finally ushered in, I found her standing, draped in chiffon (that lovely elegance), by the golden sunlight, still pale against her.
Maybe other eyes disagreed, her life had worn her down, but to me, she was as full of magical exuberance as when I had first seen her...so, so long ago.
Her voice arose, shattering the silence and my nerves.
'I do so love a good story...and hate a poor ending.'
Pause.
'What about endings you spend years toying with, but never quite find out about?'
'Well, those are just the absolute worst, aren't they?' She said, finally turning to face me.
Even in that millisecond, I knew that I still hated her, I could still hate her. After so long, I had envisioned her leaping to turn towards me at the creak of the door, the fall of my footstep or perhaps, perhaps composed herself just until the first syllable left my lips.
She had still resisted.
Even now, she wouldn't grant me the comfort of this small victory.
 
................................
 
 
yellow wilting petals between hurried feet, the swish of a red pallu. white marble tiles and blue sky.
there was golden sunlight playing with the green in her eyes, i recall. she was smiling at me. fiesty, always so.
no, not feisty, tempestuous.she was the summer storm in all its glory, twirling and twirling amid red chiffon and yelloworange marigolds, threading themselves feebly through her toes in an effort to
become the Joy that was her.
.............
i play images like a disc on repeat, images like a vintage song of old. and almost magically, almost out of lovelorn nostalgia,...i can still smell the summer sticky heat, and the crushed marigolds of the gardens.
i keep playing.... looking for that infinitesimal moment somewhere between us that has lead to this; me, clawing at wispy memories, swishes of an uncontrollable breeze.
i smile wryly, thinking...how could it be that i grasp that moment?
it is, after all, impossible to capture the storm in an outstretched palm.
And then, to capture her?
.........
Such an exercise in futility..
The nights are long and cold but for when I see your face my heart explodes with sunbeams.
........
These are some tough times jaan, but for you,
A thousand times over.